Reboot, reset, restart

It's been six months since I last wrote something to share with you. To tell you what's going on with AI, what plans I have been trying to come up with, and what new tools and ideas I have found around the web. Until I just couldn't do it anymore. My burdens got too heavy, in terms of health and work.

There wasn't a single breaking point, but a series of times when I just thought "Not today". Days turned into weeks, and weeks piled up. I was dealing with too much work, with anxiety, and my declining health.

My energy was focused on GregoryAi as a way to keep my spirits up and stay hopeful. And as a result, the website dedicated to Multiple Sclerosis research grew 5 times.

Summer came, and my symptoms got to the point where I can't leave the house when it's too hot. So I played with TikTok, hoping to get some emotional energy out of it. It didn't work. A lot of things didn't work.

These last months, I feel I have lost who I was.

I have been hyper-focused on getting better, to the point that every little thing must contribute in some way to that goal. But I don't want to nurture surreal hopes. This is a fight against a disease with no cure in sight and where, in the last five years, all hope of relief has been thwarted.

I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. And the dreamer of improbable dreams.
— Eleventh Doctor

This isn't me anymore. And I make no claims of resilience or determination. At this point, I simply lament my inability to conform and accept my condition. Acceptance and surrender should be easy. But while some people are fueled by coffee, I have been fueled by a voice in my head that screams. "We can't stop, let's keep trying! We have to keep trying. Don't stop!"

I don't see any other way other than walking towards the vortex. The plan is to engage with researchers across the fields of neurology and recruit allies to build the best resource for papers and clinical trials dedicated to brain regeneration.

Trying to engage with doctors and researchers hasn't worked in the last 4 years, and even though I am applying new tactics, I doubt they will bring different results.

The Brain Regeneration plan is the same idea behind Gregory-MS, but broader. I want to break down the silos and echo chambers that hinder innovation in clinical research.

So why the reset? Why abandon the old website and start from scratch?

Rationally, I needed to cut down on some things and simplify my routines. The old site is too big to be easily managed, and publishing a post meant more steps than writing and clicking publish. And I need different ways to tell this story as it happens. And I miss sitting down to just write something.

Emotionally, I need to redefine who I am and need an outlet for my thoughts and concerns. And I need something that isn't just about work.

I will try to keep posting about what is going on with AI, with the web, and the way we communicate. But it's best I refrain from making promises.

“Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!”
— Eleventh Doctor

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I hope you'll stick around and that I'll be able to keep giving you something worth reading.